Bringing us to Custard, and the 2020 email I received from the Brisbane band’s lead singer Dave McCormack, alias the voice of Bandit Heeler from Bluey. Dave was suffering insomnia, thanks to a grammar pickle. Desperate, he sought my counsel on a new song’s title, Couples Fight. “If there is only one couple having a fight,” he wrote, “then do they possess the fight?” Yes, we agreed. Check the sleeve notes and you’ll see we opted for Couple’s Fight, though that same squiggle could scooch up a slot, or vanish, depending on different lyrics.
The Custard plea proves how much artists care, as does Taylor Swift, with or without her poetic licence. Maybe in our tall-poppy tradition, we hold the megastar to higher standards, ignoring Olivia Rodrigo’s 2021 hit Drivers License, or Lil Nas X’s Thats What I Want, which even my computer’s autocorrect found tough to pass. And where was the rumpus over that misplaced apostrophe in Skyhooks’ album Living in the 70’s, back when pedants roamed the Earth?
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Because, quick! Now may be the time to resolve these hypocrisies, as the clock ticks. In a few Sundays’ time we’ll have Mothers’ Day, or Mother’s Day, or possibly Mothers Day: a trilemma destined to rekindle apostrophe politics, bound to torment every poet in the department.
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